January marks International Child-centered Divorce Month, a global initiative that encourages parents, legal professionals and communities to prioritise children’s emotional and psychological well-being during divorce. The campaign highlights the importance of reducing conflict and adopting approaches that protect children from being drawn into adult disputes.
Divorce is widely recognised as one of the most stressful life events a family can experience. When conflict escalates, children often bear the emotional cost. According to Susan Abro of Susan Abro Attorneys, high-conflict divorces are particularly damaging when children are treated as bargaining tools rather than individuals with their own needs.
“When it comes to divorce, children are sadly often used as pawns, particularly in high-conflict matters,” says Abro. “Parents do not always consider the long-term effects their behaviour has on their children, both emotionally and psychologically.”
The Importance of Mediation
In South Africa, the courts are increasingly encouraging mediation as a way to resolve disputes involving children. Recent changes to High Court and Regional Court rules require parties to indicate whether they have attempted mediation, are prepared to do so, or have refused mediation with reasons, before initiating divorce proceedings.
“Mediation involves meeting with an independent third party to resolve disputes through discussion and agreement,” explains Abro. “When it comes to children, this is often the most constructive and least harmful way to resolve issues.”
Unlike some international jurisdictions where divorce, financial matters and children’s issues can be dealt with separately, South African law requires that all aspects, including arrangements for minor children, be resolved before a divorce can be finalised. This reality can intensify conflict if parties are not guided toward cooperative solutions.
The Hidden Harm of Parental Alienation
One of the most damaging outcomes of divorce is parental alienation, where a child is influenced to reject or fear one parent. Research shows that children who are alienated from a parent often struggle later in life with relationships, trust and parenting skills of their own.
“Children love both of their parents equally,” says Abro. “Trying to turn a child against the other parent, or interfering with contact to gain leverage in financial or emotional disputes, is one of the worst things you can do to a child.”
Abro notes that alienation can occur at any age and can involve extended family members. “Whether the child is young or an adult, the emotional damage can be lasting. Divorce should never become a platform for revenge.”
A Call for a Child-centered Approach
South Africa’s legal system remains adversarial by nature, but family law increasingly recognises the value of alternative dispute resolution such as mediation and collaborative processes. The South African Law Reform Commission has also explored community-based approaches, including the involvement of traditional leaders, to support child-focused negotiations.
“When I act for clients, my priority is always the protection of the children,” says Abro. “It is not always easy in high-conflict situations, but parents must remember that their roles as caregivers continue long after the divorce is finalised.”
As International Child-centered Divorce Month reminds us, a child-centered approach is not just a legal requirement but a moral responsibility. By reducing conflict, avoiding alienation and choosing cooperation over confrontation, parents can help ensure that children emerge from divorce with stability, security and the ability to form healthy relationships in the future.